October & November: In Which I Don't Run and Gain Weight

Full Disclosure Time: The past couple of months have been a little rough. I took most of the last three months off due to my pulled calf muscle and lingering hamstring tendiopathy issues. I ran a total of 4 times in September and October. My calf was really sore - like at rest, limping, icing kind of sore and I didn't want to do more damage to it. After nearly 6 weeks of no running, I put in a couple short 3 milers towards the end of October. Those felt pretty good, at least in terms of my calf not hurting. Being out of shape pain was there in spades however.

But about the time my calf started to feel better, my hamstring upper tendon really started bothering me again. Not really sure why exactly but it's been hurting off and on since then. I got in 4 decent 3 milers in the month of November, but again, was not really feeling it. Overall malaise, weight gain from not running and being super out of shape really made those particular runs not very enjoyable. And after every one, I was sore for a full day - a combo of out of shape sore and injury pain. So running more than once a week just felt like too much. Man how far I've fallen. I miss long runs like nobody's business. I want to race again so badly.

All of this non-running has really put me in a funk. I am starting to feel like I'll never be 'normal' and injury free again. I just keep getting re-injured. I am not sure if it's because I am not being smart and working up slowly like I did in the beginning when I'd had very little running experience or if I am just dealing with chronic injuries that are exacerbated by my stubbornness. I went on a run for the first time in a couple weeks yesterday and I was really winded. Embarrassingly so. And it occurred to me that injury-wise, I probably should be working it like I was when I was in PT. I think I need to go back to the walk/run intervals for a while and build back up as well as doing my PT exercises regularly again. That is very likely the reason that my hamstring tendon is bothering me again. I stopped taking care of it properly.

So I am making my way back - slowly and with more smarts I hope. I've sadly gained over 10 lbs and I feel it in a big way. I have never been this big - with the exception of when I was pregnant. So Operation Starve the Beast is under way big time. I found a good food tracking app that I like so far called "Lose It" and I've started tracking my food - trying to be as honest as possible. That has always been my downfall in the past. I've half-assed it by not logging everything I stuff in my face, cheating a bit on how much I am eating, thus not recording the calories properly. I feel pretty disgusting so it's officially time to make some changes. Like when I quit smoking 5 years ago. All of sudden I was ready so I quit.

Along with cutting way back on unhealthy foods, portion control and in general just being a more cognizant eater, I'm going to really step up the cross training. Running may not be in the cards for me to be doing with any regularity this month, but I am going to be doing some yoga and strength training. Hello Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. Starting in January, our gym membership starts up again so I'll be incorporating some classes and the elliptical. I think for now, given how injury prone I seem to be, I need to start building back up my cardiovascular prowess in a non-stress inducing way so the elliptical will be a good way to get some mileage in without putting further stress on my hamstring tendon.

So there you have it. I got hurt, got depressed and then got fat. But I am going to try to shake it off - the depression that is and keep things positive. I can do this. I came back from worse so I just need to get to it and make it happen. And hopefully 2014 will lead me back to a better place.

I'll close with the highlight of my weekend. One of my friends did her first 50k this weekend and I went out to support her - for the record, she totally rocked it!

September: In Which I Take A Break

Spent all of September fully resting my sore calf. By the end of the month, I decided it was time to see the Dr. I saw an Orthopedist on 9.27 and he diagnosed a Gastro Calf Muscle strain (Grade 2 - minor-ish tearing). Technically, it's called the Gastrocnemius muscle, if you'd like the full medical name. He said he was pretty confident of this based on the X-Ray and his exam; he could actually feel the knot in the muscle. He recommended that I continue to rest and that I go back to PT, which I haven't actually gotten around to yet. He didn't think an MRI would confirm anything different and that it would likely just be a waste of money....but that if PT and rest didn't help, I could come back for one.

So far, resting does seem to help. I have gone from being in pain almost everyday to very infrequently. I haven't been on a test run yet but I plan to lace up later this week and see how I feel. I have to be honest too....this one kind of got me down. I was just starting to feel some forward momentum again and I blew it. I have been pretty lazy and although healing is a good excuse, I still feel like a sloth. Fall always makes me want to eat more too....comfort foods and it's the beginning of candy season. I feel like I have definitely gained a few pounds but hopefully will get back into it soon and get things under control.

My daughter has been dealing with a foot issue for several months, so we sadly put the gym memberships on hold for a couple months. But I plan to re-up just as soon as I can get back to my thrice-weekly running schedule. I am not looking forward to the out-of-shape/pain that will come when I start again though. That always sucks in a big way. But I am ready - Fall is my favorite season to run in and for the second year in a row, I am missing out. Sad face....I do hope to get back to more regularly blogging as well. That is hard to do when you aren't really running. My life is not that exciting so I'll spare you the deets. I'll update once I've gone on that test run. Hopefully I'll have some good news.

August: In Which I Hurt Myself. Again.

How is it almost the middle of September already? The beginning of the school year is always busy getting The Girl all set and ready. Sophomore year. I am not sure how that happened. Time is flying by so fast! So forgive the tardiness of this August recap.

So I mentioned that we joined a gym in July. I didn't get to go as regularly as I'd planned throughout because of Ragnar, recovery, etc. So I hit it full steam in August. I really like the Elliptical - it's a great way to add more mileage in without too much strain on the hamstring. Or so I thought.....

And, as per usual, I overdid it a bit. I'd been averaging between 30-35 miles from about April on. Then came August and I did about 25 miles running and an additional 23 miles on the Elliptical. Adding on an extra 10-15 miles on in one month, even if it was lower impact, really did a number on my left calf.

My upper hamstring tendonitis is on my left leg and for the past week and a half, I've had some serious pain in my left calf. Not the muscle exactly, but right under it. Google tells me that is could be achilles tendinitis. I do NOT need more tendon issues. Seriously. I am over it. I've been resting and haven't run since the 9/4, icing and wearing my compression sleeve when it's really tight. But it makes me really sad. I miss running. I miss long runs. I miss thoroughly exhausting myself and getting all the angst out on the pavement.

I'll be taking it easy until the pain is gone....if I'm not feeling better in another couple weeks, I'll make a Dr.'s apt or go back and see my PT. Until then I'll be taking it easy and hoping it goes away.

Injury Recovery

Injuries suck. And every runner, sooner or later, will have one. It may be big and take you out for months. It may be small and only briefly interrupt your running. But no matter what, you are sure to go through the "Five Stages of Injury", as coined by Beth over at Shut and Run ~ I give her full credit for laying it out so nicely.

"1. Denial – Are you f*cking kidding me? My marathon is in {insert number} weeks and I’ve trained my ass off. There is no way I’m not running this thing, even if I have to crawl. It’s just a pain in my hip. I’m sure I just pulled a muscle dancing on the pole. Or maybe this pain is a figment of my imagination, part of tapering madness. I’m sure I’m fine.
2. Anger – Are you f*cking kidding me? This still hurts, might be worse. Why me? I didn't do anything wrong. Everyone else can run and not get injured. Hell, Dean freaking Karnazes is running across the United States and he never gets injured. This sucks. I don’t deserve this. I pay my taxes, I follow a training plan. I bought the stinking $100 shoes that they told me to buy at that damn store.
3. Bargaining – You are not f*cking kidding me. I’m hurt. I get it. But, I swear if I am healed enough by marathon day to at least complete the race I will never {insert vice: cuss, drink, over train,  do meth, run with scissors, yell at my kids, lick a knife} again. Once I complete this race, I will rest for a really long time and go to the doctor. I swear. Just let me run this race.
4. Depression – (warning: here’s where it gets really ugly). I’m f*cked. I’m out of the race. Hell, I might never run again. I hate swimming and biking and most of all running in the water. I want to run. I only like running and I am nothing without running. I will get fat. I will get lazy. I will lose all of my fitness. Why bother getting out of bed?
5. Acceptance – I can’t race. I can’t even run right now. But, it’s going to be okay. I am still an athlete, I am still a runner, I am just recovering. I will be back. Stronger than ever. Even though I can’t run, there are other things I can do to maintain my fitness. Even though I can’t run, I am still worthy. There is more to me than being a runner."

 As someone who has been out of commission since August, I can tell you this is pretty spot on. I think part of the reason this injury has been so stubborn is partly due to the fact that I was stuck in the Denial stage for so long. It was a rapid descent into Anger, Bargaining and Depression from about September on. Once I fully realized that I was going to be out for a while, I wavered between Depression and Acceptance for quite a while.

In fact, it's only been in the past month that I finally feel like I am solidly in the final stage of Acceptance. Mentally, I've kept my head down so I could focus on recovering stronger than before. Doing something proactive helped alleviate the depression. Not totally of course....actual measurable progress was what it finally took to move past that mentally. And since this has been on my mind quite a bit, it was only appropriate that my current favorite blogger, The Hungry Runner Girl also did a post on injury recovery the other day. This one focused on the mental aspects of getting yourself to Acceptance stage.

These efforts are in three parts - Get Proactive, Focus on the Short Term and Focus on the Long Term, which will ultimately allow you to get to the final part, the ultimate goal- to "Come Back Stronger". Getting proactive means you get to focus on other stuff, like cross training - and taking a break from running allows you to examine what might have led to the injury in the first place. Focusing on the short term is really just another way of saying 'Take it one day at a time". Looking at the long term will keep the focus on coming back smarter and not getting re-injured. All of that makes you tougher...and better able to handle the beatings our bodies take while we all try to become Kara Goucher.

Good advice. I wasn't sure I'd be able to run the same way again....But now I think that I'll be back. And be stronger than before.

Moving Forward

I am alive! I swear. And happy to report that the 'running' is going well. January and February so far has been marked by inching forward. Small steps that take an extraordinary amount of patience. But I feel as though I am actually getting 'somewhere'....

Last night, for the first time in many months, I went on what I can actually call a run. Yay!! By the end of January, I'd progressed to doing 3/3's (3 mins running/3 mins walking). A couple weeks of that and I was able to move to 4/2's. Since I've done several of those with minimal pain/tightness, I got the ok to do a 5/1. Barely walked at all during that 3.3 miles! It felt SO good. I seriously cannot wait until I can do long runs again. That is still a couple months out, realistically. But I am so close.

By March, the goal is to be doing all running for that 3-ish mile loop. Things have been progressing so well that I definitely feel this is doable. The patience is paying off. And I hope that it renews my motivation to once again immerse myself in all things running. I've taken a 'break' from the obsession the past several months, mostly so I didn't lose my sh*t too much over this injury. Now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak, I am ready to rejoin the ranks.

I am also going to spend the next month or so revamping the blog and experimenting with some different layouts and designs. I am getting bored and since the blog is officially a toddler now, it's time for a makeover and update. So bear with me....don't hesitate to tell me if you think it looks stupid or if you have suggestions. Thanks for sticking with me y'all. It's been quite the roller coaster the past 6 months.

2013 - Goals for the Year

What do I want to see in 2013? Well the biggest and most important goal is to get 'off the injured list'. But big goals are nothing without breaking it down into bite sized chunks. And in a nod to my 'too much too soon' injury, this year is all about keeping it simple and not trying to accomplish stuff my body is not ready for.

Big Goals:

• Progress in my rehab so that I am able to 'run' again. I cannot wait until I am able to run a full 3 miles without having to do walking intervals. Likewise, I can't wait to do a long run again. It's been 5 looonnnggg month since I've gone on a long run. 

• Build strength and flexibility. My PT exercises and work focus on strengthening my core, pelvic floor, hips and glutes. I do a series of exercises every day and do my run/walk 3-4 times a week. Once I 'graduate' from regular PT visits, I'll be focusing on a regimen that will include yoga, more strength training and hopefully a lot of cross training amidst all the running I hope to be doing again this year.

• Focus on building a solid base. I really neglected that last year and have a pretty awful injury to prove it. I will not make that mistake again. That means I will be extremely cautious in increasing my mileage when I am back to running full time. It also means I will be a total zealout when it comes to stretching, recovery methods and fueling my body. I will be a smart runner who doesn't take chances. I love it too much to allow this sort of injury to occur again.

• Keep the racing to a minimum - no matter how much I am tempted to do other fun races. That means that my first 6 months of the year will be focused on training for Rock and Roll in June and Ragnar in July. Past that, if all goes well, I'd like to do the full Seattle Marathon in November. If a full is too much for this year, I have no problem doing the half instead. But I am not planning on any more and think that keeping the focus on these will be better for my body.

• Not suck at blogging. This was a mirco goal last year....Not sure how well I am doing in this regard but since I now have a full year of blogging under my belt, I'd like to get better, more consistent and savvier. 

And that is it. No crazy big goals this year.....and no specific tiny goals either. Just going to be realistic, listen to my body and go with the flow. We'll see how that approach works in the coming months!

2012 Goals: How'd I do?

My hardware for 2012

I had grand plans for 2012. I started the year off totally high from my first half marathon that ended up propelling me to over-ambitiously over-commit. To recap - my goals for last year were doable but a tad bit ambitious. I actually knocked out the big ones, with only a couple exceptions.

Train year round - for the entirety of the 2012: 
~ I was very consistent with my training right up until I was forced to deal with my injury....so half credit on this one.
Run 1 race per month- 12 races for 12 months:
 ~ Ditto for this one. I did a race a month until August, when I started treatment for my injury. The only months I did not race were August, September, November and December. Not bad for a gimp.
 
Run at least 3 half marathons: 
 ~ Done! I ran 4 half marathons in 2012
 
Run my first full marathon:
 ~Done! At least in as far as walking across the finish line goes. I walked it so it only half counts in my mind.....so there will be a 'rematch' on the 'first marathon' in 2013 I hope.
 
Become more social with my running- join a running club, go to Fleet Feet group runs, connect with other runners to train and race with:
 ~I made some really awesome running friends this year....I couldn't have survived this injury without their encouragement and support. 

My micro goals were hit and miss....I did knock about 17 minutes off my half marathon time in that span of time. But post injury, the pacing and speedwork took a backseat....I also wanted to learn to take better care of myself by eating better and getting in significant cross training. While I did do a better job of taking care of myself while training, I have learned a big lesson with this injury - taking care of yourself while injured is also extremely important. To that end, I am proud of how hard I've been working to get off of the 'injured list'.

Goals for 2013 to come....January has been pretty busy in my house and I just haven't had time for the kind of self reflection that has been necessary to write these 'Goal' posts. So forgive the fact that I've posted exactly twice this month. I'm getting back into the swing of things again...and now that I'm getting close to doing more running than walking, I'll be tracking and writing about my training again. March is right around the corner and that is the goal month to be back up and 'running' so to speak. 

 

6 Months and Counting: Injury Recap & Update

I can't believe it's been that long already. Beginning of July, I started to notice the pain. I had been averaging about 100 miles a month since March, but cut way back to 60 miles in July due to the pain I was feeling. I hoped that rest would help that month and that I'd be good to go in a jiffy. Not so much. By August, it was clear that the pain wasn't going away and it was time to see someone. I started in Physical Therapy the first week of August.

After my first few visits, it was clear that I had some structural deficiencies, as it were. Pelvis was misaligned and my body was totally out of balance. The left side was working way too hard and over compensating for some major weakness on the right. I saw my PT for several visits over the month of August. I had done some full resting, then transitioned to some test runs that had walking intervals. By the beginning of September, it was clear that I was not only not improving, but that it was time to see the Dr. for some testing to rule out some other potential injuries. We paused PT for the majority of September while I had an X-ray and then an MRI.

By the end of September, the results were in. From my post:

And it's not pretty. I actually got the results over the phone late last week and have been mourning processing ever since. I have a "superior lateral and posterior acetabular labral tear", which is a fancy medical way of saying that the labrum (the thing that goes around your hip socket that keeps your thigh or femur in place) is torn. But that's not all! Oh no, there is more fun to be had here. I also have "significant tendinopathy at the hamstring attachment"....which is fairly self explanatory. The tendons attach your hamstring to your pelvis, and when they get angry and inflamed, it's called tendonitis or tendinopathy (essentially the same thing)....

I spent all of September and October (with the exception of that one day I walked a few miles) on full rest. I had been in pain just at rest and it was really hard to sit all day long. By the beginning of November, the full rest led to some progress. I was in a lot less pain and could tolerate walking again without increased tightness or discomfort. I started PT again the first week of November and have been going twice a week since then. Our new plan focused on strength training - I have a set of exercises I do daily and I got to start walking again. We also started doing ultrasound on the tendon and massage on the hamstring. And I am happy to report that there has been some real progress!

The walking was a slow build over the month of December. I started walking three times a week and after a couple weeks of tolerating that well, I've gotten to increase to walking every other day, with one minute running intervals. After a couple weeks of tolerating that well, I'll get to alter those intervals...increasing the running and decreasing the walking. Realistically, following that plan, I'll be back to running 3-4 times a week solidly by March. If all goes to according to plan.

This injury and my fight to get back to running is taking forever it feels like. The hamstring is so big and this tendinopathy is so stubborn. I will always have to baby it and pay close attention to it though. So in effort to make sure that when I am back, I am actually stronger than before and have a lower risk of re-injury, I plan to spend use 2013 as a 'Building my Base' year.

My focus this year is on strength, flexibility and balance. I want to continue running as long as I am able so I plan to take it easy this year on the racing and focus on all the other things I need to do for my body that will ultimately benefit my running. Things like strength training, cross training and yoga. I plan to focus on three races only - my goal is to be back to running regularly by March so I can begin training for Rock and Roll in June. Half marathon only - baby steps. July will be Ragnar - NW Passages again with my Fire Breathing Rubber Duckies. If those two races go well and I am physically ready to build after that, I am hoping to complete my second full marathon in 2013. Again, keeping it low-key, I would like the Seattle Marathon in November to be my "first" full that I run. And that's it. Depending on how things go, I won't rule out doing a 5/10K or two....we'll see how it goes. This injury has taught me that being flexible and listening to my body is key to being a successful runner.

Also a big lesson to my runner friends - if you have a niggling injury - DO NOT ignore it. See your Dr. or a physical therapist. You might have a structural issue that needs fixing. Don't just deal with it - do something about it. Figure out what the problem is and what you can do to fix it so it doesn't sideline you. I learned that the hard way.

I will be a runner again. I am determined to make it so. It's just taking much longer than I thought it would to get there.

November: In Which I Get Closer to Running Again.......

Which, yay! I can feel it, taste it....whatever. Point is, I am making progress!! That I can feel.

November raged in with a ginormous 'Frankenstorm' on the East Coast. Hurricane Sandy came ashore in New Jersey and the outlying areas of NYC just before Halloween. Less than a week before my #1 dream marathon was scheduled to take place.

One of the many crazy Post-Sandy flood pictures

In the aftermath, NYRR and the city of New York decided that the marathon would go on. Which resulted in a backlash so loud and impossible to ignore that Mayor Bloomberg decided to cancel after all -- less than 48 hours before it was supposed to start - after most of the international runners had already arrived. While the final info regarding refunds and automatic entry to next year is still not clear due to haggling with the event's insurance company, this will likely affect the Marathon for years to come. Good did come out of runners descending on NYC anyway -- thousands of those that did arrive helped where they could and some of them held their own informal 'race' in Central Park anyway. 

Runners headed to Staten Island on what would have

 been 'race day'. Source.

That was only the beginning of the month! What an eventful November....right after all this brouhaha, we had the election, AKA Nerd Christmas, an actual real holiday I just made up. I was totally captivated along with the nation watching people decide on the future of our country....God, I love Presidential election years! Except for the commercials......those can go away and never come back.

Since I was so preoccupied, I probably didn't mourn quite as much about missing Ragnar LV Ultra with my girls. It was, however, very cool that one of my amazing teammates, April offered to run her first leg in honor of Wear Blue and a fallen soldier. She ran those miles in honor of Army Spc. Sarina Butcher, who was KIA on November 1, 2011 serving in Afghanistan. 

You will not be forgotten.

This month also brought two holidays that provided an opportunity to reflect and say Thanks. For both Veterans Day and Thanksgiving  I wanted to let our Troops know that they are appreciated and that we honor their service to our country. And for Turkey Day especially, I wanted to recognize Military Families and their sacrifice as well. 

Following my absolute favorite holiday, I got to continue participating in my newest Thanksgiving weekend tradition- the Seattle Marathon. No running for me this year but I spent a couple days volunteering and had an excellent time. It was great to be a part of it, despite not actually running....but speaking of running...

I am that much closer to it. I started PT back up this month and it was nice to find that I am actually healing and moving closer to being 'back'. Still have a month or so before running will start again, but I am working hard. Doing my exercises religiously and now walking 3x a week to start prepping my body to being able to run again. I cannot wait. I can't believe it's been 4 months now. But we are getting there....slowly but surely! 

Overall, November was a pretty eventful month! Onward to the very last month of 2012. Hopefully this will not be the last ever month in review.....but if the Mayans are right and we are all gone after the 21st, it's been real people. Ha.

New PT Plan

Update on the injury. I've been pretty quiet this month, mostly due to the once-every-four-year-occurrence of Nerd Christmas, AKA the election. It's my superbowl and I get so darn excited that everything else sort of fades into the background for me. But we've put it to bed for the time being, so time to refocus my attention.

Since my injuries were officially diagnosed in late September, I was on a fairly strict rest regimen, with the notable exception of walking 26.2 miles one Sunday last month. I wasn't going to PT and I wasn't doing my assigned exercises either. Full and complete rest. And you know what? It was really what I needed.

I was allowed to start back up on PT the last week in October but the gal I usually see was on vacation until a couple weeks ago so I just held off until she was back. I had my first appointment in over 2 months last week and I am pretty pleased to report that major progress has been made. I was starting to feel like things maybe weren't moving in the right direction...but during my apt, as I was telling Lexie all about how I felt, I realized just how much progress I'd made. She reminded me that when I last saw her, I was in pain just at rest and that sitting all day was very uncomfortable and just plain hurt sometimes. I was also icing my arse about 5 or 6 times a day.

Flash forward to today and there is no longer any resting pain or pain when I am sitting!! That is pretty major. That means that were are doing the right things to get this inflammation down. That was step one....

Moving to step two is all about strengthening the muscles of the pelvis, abdominal floor, hamstrings and glutes so that my pelvis will stay in alignment and the tendons will be better supported. We will also continue to focus on reducing inflammation and trying to stimulate new cell growth. The final step will be to reincorporate running gradually and under Lexie's supervision to make sure that my core is strong and that things are staying aligned and loose.

The plan until the end of the year is as follows:

• NO running. Walking is ok as long as I am not in pain and no more than 4 miles 
• PT Exercises - continue these as assigned. Focusing on abdominal floor, hamstrings and glute strengthening. Light stretching and foam rolling is ok.
• PT Appointments - continuing twice a week until the end of the year, then we'll reduce to once a week as running is gradually reintroduced. During PT, we'll be focusing on ultrasound, massage and  making sure my core is aligned and that I am engaging it properly during my home exercises.

I am determined to be a runner again. My doctor told me that perhaps I should find another sport. I thought, no - how about I find another doctor! When I told Lexie that, she said not to fear- I can run again. But I may not be able to train like I was and may have to be ok with doing way less racing than I did over the last year. Classic case of Too Much Too Soon. More on that later....

The Ragnar Relay That Wasn't....

In less than 24 hours, my awesome girls will be running 200 miles through the desert. I am still heartbroken that I won't be there running with them....Team Make Me A Sammich is a kick ass team of 6 ladies that are running in somewhat crazy conditions in Las Vegas. It starts at 8500 feet up at a Mt - where it's supposed to be in the 30's in the early morning when they start. Oh and there will be high wind warnings early that morning as well.

The days will be warm. Much warmer, perhaps even as high as the 70's. And then back down to cold at night. And since it's an ultra, the first 4 legs are run by only 2 people. And they lose about 4000 feet of elevation in those 4 legs. I was supposed to be Runner #1 originally. Roughly 3 half marathons in 36 hours. Ha. Can you imagine? What in the world was I thinking? My super speedy friend April is running that one. And she is going to rock it.

Stretch it out girl! I love how not flexible our friend 

Aaron is on the right....hehe

April graciously offered to dedicate her first legs to me and Wear Blue. So I've got a soldier all lined up for her....More on that soon!

So to the ladies of Team Make Me A Sammich - Honey Badger, #meanjess, and Flygirl - run your hearts out. Have fun. And enjoy every second. I'll be cheering you on from here!

The Results Are In....

And it's not pretty. I actually got the results over the phone late last week and have been mourning processing ever since. I have a "superior lateral and posterior acetabular labral tear", which is a fancy medical way of saying that the labrum (the thing that goes around your hip socket that keeps your thigh or femur in place) is torn. But that's not all! Oh no, there is more fun to be had here. I also have "significant tendinopathy at the hamstring attachment"....which is fairly self explanatory. The tendons attach your hamstring to your pelvis, and when they get angry and inflamed, it's called tendonitis or tendiopathy (essentially the same thing)....

So first emotion here was relief. As I mentioned before, I have some experience with joint injuries, specifically, significant joint injuries that don't show up on scans. So I was relieved that whatever is causing me pain was evident on the MRI. I've heard of people having hamstring tendon issues that don't and know exactly what that frustration feels like and I didn't want to go through that again. Second emotion was a lot of sadness. For several weeks now, I've been mentally preparing myself for the inevitability that I wouldn't be doing the Portland Marathon next month or my Ragnar Ultra Relay in Las Vegas in November. But that doesn't stop me from being really really sad whenever I remember all over again.

Treatment and how long recovery will last largely depend on how much healing I can promote in the tendon with total rest. The labral tear will heal on it's own provided there is no further stress on it, surgery isn't warranted as it's not a big enough tear and there doesn't seem to be any cartilage that is just hanging out there that might prevent healing. Once the pain and symptoms aren't present when at rest any longer, I can start PT, working on strengthening and stabilizing the hip so that it can withstand the load bearing and the shock of running.

As for the hamstring tendinopathy, that is a bit trickier. These particular tendons don't get a lot of blood flow, which is essential in healing. And once it's been a few months, you start to wander into chronic territory, which isn't good at all. Unfortunately, there was nothing visible in the MRI that tells whether there has been any healing so far.....since this injury is 3 months old now, that isn't really that helpful. I had hoped to gain an understanding on whether the damage looked new or older...in other words, have I been making it worse? Or was it just really bad and it taking a long time to heal? I suspect the former....even though I cut way back in July, continuing to train really hampered the initial healing that should have been happening at that point. And the off and on rest since I started PT also didn't help much.

Right now, I am at 3 full weeks of rest and counting. At least 4 more weeks of it and then at that point, if I am asymptomatic when resting, then I can start PT again. Once I start PT, massage, strength training exercises and perhaps some utlrasound might help. As for drug treatment, the best thing for me right now is anti-inflammatory meds....I've been taking some twice a day for a couple weeks now and it seems to help. I did ask about steroid shots, as that came up some in my research, but he thinks that a cortizone/steroid shot might hurt more than it would help....After starting PT, and working through the tight hamstring and tendons (which are part and parcel to the injury), I can try to gradually ease my way back into running, under the guidance of my PT. Really, the one helpful thing he did say was that once I get back into PT, there will be soreness and pain and that finding the right balance of moving through that and pulling back when necessary is going to be key....

I officially told my Ragnar team that we need to find a replacement for me today. And I'm really sad about it....so to make myself feel better, I'm already recruiting them to form a team for Ragnar SoCal for next April. I think that will help with the injury blues - and give me something to look forward to!

Well that was fun....

Yeah. Not really. Really glad I decided to head home after the MRI today, instead of going back to work and trying to sit in a chair for the rest of the day. My hip hurts and feels weirder than I thought it would. I am still sort of confused as to what this whole thing is called- Dr.'s orders called it an arthogram - but essentially, they injected some iodine and MRI contrast fluid into my hip joint using an X-ray as a guide. And then did an MRI.

The appointment started off in utter confusion and ended with a bang- literally. I went to the front desk at the hospital (where the radiology department for the group of physicians I see is located) exactly where they told me to check in. She says 'oh no, you just go straight down to the MRI waiting room and check in there'. So I walk all the way down this super long hall, down a floor and that lady tells me that I am having the arthogram somewhere else and she can't check me in here....not sure where I should go, let me call someone, etc etc. Whoever she calls tells her to send me all the way to the other wing of the hospital and up to the 6th floor. Which is totally suspect - when I get all the way over there, it's imaging alright but cardiovascular...clearly not where I am supposed to be. I went in anyway and the lady was very nice in finding out where I was supposed to go; which incidentally, was main patient registration...where I started.

So we started off with a bang. I finally got to the right place and checked in but of course we were 30 minutes behind because I spent my planned 'registration' time traipsing all over the stupid place. I had to change into gowns and they had me lay on a table where there was a big X-ray thing hovering over it. They took a bunch of pictures and then the radiology guy that was injecting me came in. He was super nice and very chatty and made an uncomfortable procedure go by quickly. The needle was larger than a shot needle but not super huge. He had to inject the fluid into the joint just so, so he used the X-ray machine to guide the needle. I didn't watch this. I was numbed up so I didn't feel anything more than a pinchy pressure.

Once that was done, they had me get in a wheelchair and took me off to the MRI area. So I was asked a few times if I was claustrophobic but no one asked if I loud clanking and rumbling noises for an entire 40 minutes would make me crazy. Seriously. I feel like I was prepared for every aspect of that but the god awful racket. For reals. It was crazy and I am really glad I didn't have a headache! My sister has had one and the place she went to was fancier apparently, b/c they gave her headphones with music to listen to during and I just got disposable earplugs. Heh.

So that was it. The hip felt super stiff and weird for the first couple hours and then it started hurting. A lot. I've been icing off and on since I got home and that is helping a bit. I'll probably be pretty sore tomorrow as well. And now I wait. It takes them 24-48 hours to send the images back to my Dr. but he's out on Friday, so the soonest I can see him is first thing Monday morning. Holding out hope that it'll come Thursday some time and I can pop over and see him, since his office is right across the street from my office. Terribly convenient, I know.

Am not entirely sure what to expect. My running buddy Jess has also been battling a hip injury since Ragnar and had her MRI last week. Results today - she has a labral tear...which is the cartilage around her hip socket. On cruches for a couple weeks but her Dr. says he's ok with her walking PDX...the idea of walking 26 miles with no training is also scary but it would be better to do it with someone. So depending on the results of my MRI and what my Dr. thinks is actually going on here...I am hoping to walk it too...at least start and get as far as I can, right? With the goal of both of us being able to run Ragnar....fingers crossed.

I'm Alive - I Swear

Just sinking into a spiraling circle of depression and just an overall blah feeling. I really miss running. A lot. It's been weeks now. I had my x-ray on the 7th. It didn't show any obvious signs of a stress fracture so an MRI was next. Took almost a week to get word back from my insurance company on preauthorization, but I finally heard back today and was able to schedule an appointment. He ordered an arthogram contrast MRI so I have to show up for a hip injection of some sort of dye and sit for an hour, while I guess it spreads out through the hip or something. Once the hour is up, they do the actual MRI. Hopefully they'll be able to tell exactly what is wrong right away. It will be very discouraging to have nothing show up. I've had that happen before.

I worked for Starbucks all through my 20's. In 2004, I tore the cartilage in my right wrist. Nothing showed up on x-rays or the MRI and I was misdiagnosed and treated for tendonitis for 16 months. 10 months of physical therapy and lots of different drugs and treatments, all to no avail. I finally wised up and switched doctors about a year in and after a bit, they became convinced I'd torn the cartilage on the outside of my wrist. They did surgery and sure enough, torn right off practically. Long recovery - probably the most painful and difficult time I've ever had physically.

That experience most definitely colors my perception on this whole hip-pain-not-going-away-thing. I have missed running and can't wait to get back to it. But who knows when that will be. My Dr. says no full marathon in Portland next month for sure...and most likely no ultra Ragnar either. I am extremely heartbroken about that. That whole waiting, not sure what is going on thing, has made me very bitchy and sad. I really want to run....

The start of school has kept me busy for sure. My beautiful baby girl has started high school and she's growing up. First Friday night of the school year found me staying up on the couch waiting for her to get home from the Girls Vollyball game she went to watch with her friends. God I remember those days...going to the game on Friday nights...football, basketball...lots of fun memories. The first of many nights like that over the next four years to be sure.

Promise I'll keep checking in, even though I don't have any running news to report. Sad face. To keep you entertained, like it's keeping me, check out this Tumblr....Suri's Burn Book. "A study in Suri and the people who disappoint he". It's a hilarious gal who lives in DC, works in policy by day, and blogs as her alter-ego, Suri Cruise at night. It's mainly snarky commentary on celebrity children's sartorial choices and I can't get enough of it. It's funny as schmidt. Go there. Immediately. You're welcome.

August: In Which I Start PT and Feel Sorry for Myself

I can hear that 'timberrrr....' sound effect 

from cartoons in my head looking at these stats.

I began the month super excited about switching my focus to full marathon training. I revamped my plan and was getting mentally prepared. I was still running on fairly normal schedule, but was still in a lot of pain. I was also in a great deal of denial.....

I sort of limped through the first week of August; even got in an 11 miler. I celebrated my 1 year Runniversary in style - researching my insurance requirements for PT coverage and finding a good one near my work.

I found a great PT and started seeing her twice a week. I've had 7 visits so far and it was clear after the first that my pelvis wasn't aligned. She's been doing correction techniques at every visit and we've been working on strength - exercises to make the hips, glutes and hamstrings stronger so that it keeps the pelvis in place. I've gone on a few 'runs' to test out how it makes me feel - and see if there is pain. They've been walk/runs - 3 mins alternating and the running has most definitely shifted the pelvis back each time. Walking is ok - things stay in place pretty well and there is minimal pain.

It was a good thing the Olympics were on so I could distract myself from all that non-running and making no progress on my training schedule. At this point, I am still operating under the assumption that I will be doing PDX. Which freaks me out b/c it's going to be painful and I'll likely end up walking a good portion of it. 

The last few weeks have been tough. I am beating myself up on account of not being able to train, I feel like crap - some days I'm in a lot of pain; some days I feel much better. I feel like there are three steps forward followed by two steps back. I am discouraged and bummed that this isn't healing as quickly as I'd have liked.

My last appointment with my PT, she said it's time to bring in my Dr. -- she wants to rule out a pelvic stress fracture so I've got an appointment set up this week. We'll see what comes of it. So I've definitely felt sorry for myself this month. I miss running and it's hard seeing people out there and hearing about friends runs and races. Trying to keep myself busy and distracted. Easy to do right now...we are spending the long weekend getting ready for school to start. My little baby girl is going to be a freshman. And then turn 15 next month. I am so not ready for this! But we are heading into my very favorite season of all....Fall is perfect. It's pretty, the return of boots and sweaters is my absolute favorite, and it's my favorite weather to run in. Hope I can start doing that again soon!

Time to See the Dr.

I saw my super awesome PT yesterday and reported that not only did I not get in the run I was supposed to do, I was in more pain. Sitting at work is getting to be really painful and makes each day feel like it's so very very long. But anyway....she said I should have started to feel better by now and that even though clinically, this is really presenting as a stubborn hamstring issue, we'd better rule out a stress fracture of the pelvis just to be on the safe side.

Which is good...because I had planned to ask her when she thought I should bring my Dr. into this. This stupid hip just feels too pinchy and sore. So I was able to get an apt with one of the other Docs in the clinic since mine is on vacation next week and we'll start with an X-ray. According to Dr. Internet, you can't always see a stress fracture on a x-ray....most of the time it takes an MRI. But since it happened several weeks ago, there is a chance that if there was a stress fracture, there would be some calcification visible.

No running until after the appointment. I'll see my PT the day after so we'll talk then and figure out what our next steps are. More waiting....hummpfff. Good thing there is a ton of political theater going on right now to keep me distracted! RNC over, DNC up next -- which I suspect will not be as entertaining. Unless Mr. Eastwood shows up in NC! Heh.

How do people do this?

I am officially about 4 weeks into my PT for this hamstring/pelvis issue. August has been a total wash....as in I've run a total of about 20 miles. I really thought that once I started PT and got the pelvis shifted back that I would be able to start running again and just build back up from there. Well, I was allowed to start running again last week but have only gotten 3 in so far. I am still doing a combo of 3 mins walking and 3 mins running. And doing 2 runs in 3 days really shifted the pelvis. It had been holding steady in place, for the most part, for several days, requiring only minor adjustments at my appointments. But after those 2 runs, it shifted a lot more and required much more correction. I could actually feel the difference before and afterward.

It's really hard not to be discouraged by this. Every time I look at the calendar and see the number of weeks getting smaller between now and October 7th, I get all panicky. How do people do this? Really, a half marathon would be painful now; I have no idea how I am going to complete a full. It's hard to know if I should even try. My PT hasn't put her foot down and when I used SmartCoach to majorly scale down my training plan, I half expected an error message to come up saying "Don't do it- there is no way you'll be ready for this and/or be able to prepare in this short amount of time"....It totally didn't. And that plan is decidedly less ambitious than the modified one I created.

My biggest concession so far, beside not actually running, is to switch my legs for my Ragnar Ultra. I will no longer be doing one of the toughest set of legs -- I'll be doing one of the easier ones. Relatively speaking, of course, since it's still two 7 milers and a 12 miler (as opposed to two 12's and a 10).....I did reach out to the Portland Marathon organizers just to make sure they wouldn't allow me to switch to the half. I got a nicely worded 'No way, Jose' email back....something about how over the 40 year history of the event, they've never offered this. And there were at least two pages on the website detailing how against the rules it is to just decide to run the half instead, resulting in disqualifications, being banned from future events, etc, etc. They basically said I should just run as much of the full as I can. Which is what I am going to end up having to do.

I guess adjusting those expectations now is better. Hopefully, a DNF won't scar the ego too much and I'll be able to pull it together and move on. There's always next year. I keep telling myself that there is a learning curve for this....and better to learn the "don't be stubborn, see someone when you are injured" and "moderation" lessons now. Overtraining = bad. Listening to your body and being smart = good.

So how do people do this? I guess that is a rhetorical question...but my best attempt at an answer is "One Day at a Time"....just like anything else, right? So that is what I'll do.....take it one day and one run at a time.

If anyone of my 3 (ha!) readers has any advice - please share.....How do you get through your injuries and stay sane?

First Run in 14 days

I was allowed to run again a couple days ago. And of course, one 30 minute run/walk was enough to shift that pelvis back again. I've been to PT 5 times now and each time, the amount of shifting from one visit to the next has diminished almost completely. The correction techniques she is using and the strengthening exercises I've been doing every day have made things more stable and able to withstand normal movements, but the run jarred everything back again...

I had been going on some test walks to see how the leg felt.....and there was no more of the sharp pain that I've grown accustomed to. So I asked if I could ease back into running and my PT agreed I was ready. But it has to be slow and easy and I have to stop immediately if I start feeling that sharp pain again. My last appointment this week was yesterday and I won't see her again till Tuesday. Between those two, I will be able to run 3 times, increasing the running and decreasing the walking if I feel good. Right now I'm alternating between 3 minutes walking and 3 minutes running....I'll run again tonight and see how I feel.

My PT is great....I really like her. She's a runner too, so she gets it. And from here on out, it's likely that I'll need to be constantly adjusting and strengthening and evaluating as I get back into shape. But the easing back into things is taking longer than I was hoping it would....the whole month of August has been pretty much a wash. I will be readjusting my training schedule for PDX and submitting it to my PT for evaluation next week. I certainly don't want to jump back into things too quickly and re-injure myself. So we will see what she says.....trying not to think too much about how painful it's going to be to get back into the shape I was in. I already feel like my clothes are way tighter. Boo hiss.

Shifted pelvis. Or something.

Started the day with my new physical therapist. First visit so there was a lot of talking and diagnosing and such. It turns out that my pelvis on the left side has sort of shifted back and is out of alignment. That in turn is straining the muscles, with a lot of extra pulling there shouldn't be. She said it's hard to say whether the shift happened first and cause the pulled muscle or if the muscles were strained and the subsequent stress (not to mention the continued training) caused the shift. I'm definitely leaning towards the latter.

 Ha-this is exactly the model she showed me-

 left side shifted back....Source.

So the pink stuff in there is muscle. The greater pelvic floor muscles are mostly what you see but at the very bottom, right above the bottom of the pelvis on either side, there is a muscle called the obturator internis. And that is one of the very painful tender spots, along with the greater upper hamstrings that are very aggravated muscles. 

The plan includes rest at first, then I can start up again as I continue to work with her. So hopefully I won't lose too much fitness. I am allowed to walk...but I hate walking! It just doesn't feel efficient to me. But back to the appointment...we did a little bit of treatment...she had me do a couple exercises that I have to do a few times a day, one to strengthen and one to promote blood flow to aid in healing...and then she got out the coolest thing ever. It's this sleeve thing that combines an ice treatment with compression. You put this sleeve around the afflicted part and hook it to this machine. It fills up with ice water (totally lasted 10 minutes on the coldest setting-thank you ice baths!) and air and there's mild pressure like a blood pressure cuff, but not that hard. It.Was.Awesome. I loved it. She said she can do it every time! Yay! It felt that good.

She also did this weird thing to try to shift my pelvic bone back. She also warned me that it really engaged that obturator muscle and that I'd likely feel some pain later on. Totally did. And still do.....very sore. I was also supposed to make sure that I sat and stood completed symmetrical all day- weight evenly on both feet or 'sit bones'. Very hard to do...

We are going to be working on major strengthening of the hip muscles, which are very weak, and my core so that the pelvis is supported and doesn't shift back. Going to be doing this 1-2 times a week for 6-8 weeks. I'll be able to start back up on my training soon....so we'll just take it as we go and see what I can accomplish. Still got 59 days till PDX. Gulp.

Injury Update

Still hurting...stupid pulled muscles. Finally figured out my insurance stuff, found a great PT near my office and made an appointment for Friday morning, the soonest they had. I am glad I'm going. This stupid pain won't go away and I have a feeling I'm just making it worse by being stubborn.

Plus, I really need to start treatment NOW. Honestly, I've waited way longer than I should have and at this point, I am putting myself at risk of not being able to do my full marathon in October. If rest is required for my treatment (holding my breath that it won't be too long), better now than later, that is for sure.

I am feeling a bit better about all this though. Like I said, I was in denial. But my running buddy Mike is just coming off Quadracep Tendonitis, during which he was on full rest for a bit AND crutches for a week....he thought he wouldn't be able to do PDX because of it, but is healing quicker than he thought so if all goes according to plan, he's still doing it. We decided that we are just going to work through the injuries as best we can, do our best to train through it and just hope that we don't die trying to finish the damn thing.

I had such plans for this first marathon....one of the reasons I waited nearly a full year between my first half and my first full was that I wanted to conquer it. I wanted to successfully tackle several runs in the 20 mile range, including a full 26 before the race. That is probably unlikely now. I have to stop being so stubborn and accept it. So we'll get as high as we can beforehand, stick together during the race and finish the damn thing if we have to walk/crawl.

Jess and D had a mantra at RnR--Beat Oprah. Didn't happen for them....and won't for us likely. But we'll finish. And as Mike pointed out, it only makes for an awesome PR for our second one.

Will update Friday after I see the PT. Crossing my fingers for good/not terrible news.